I’ve been thinking a lot about the past 10 years, after all, we are 3 weeks away from starting a new year, but not only that, we are wrapping up a decade!
I think last time I really paid close attention to this was at the Millennium, remember? 1999 into 2000!
Yes, I was a free spirit then, still loud, but free. I was in high school, super in sync with the world, news, reading a lot of philosophy, psychology, science, trends, business, politics while discussing with like minded friends over joints, cigarettes, drinks… I was always traveling, camping, going to parties, exploring… while also pursuing an Associates degree in conjunction with my high school diploma so I could enter the career force and become independent as quickly as possible.
Yep, the first 20 years of the Millennium have been a blur… But the past 10 years though, they have been significant and extra special. And are legitimate closing a circle, at least for me. So yes, I have been paying extra attention to this lately.
For the past 10 years particularly I’ve felt lost, out of touch and couldn’t help but ruminate the thought that I had just became everything I promised myself I wouldn’t. See, I had big plans and visions for myself. I’ve studied the environment, situations and patterns around me, as well my personal experiences that I vowed to never make the same mistakes again or examples of mistakes people around me made, after all I was a privileged, educated and independent woman, and master of my destiny!
I each day realize more and more that yes, I was and am all of the above, but most of all, I was ARROGANT! Yes, and to this day I can still be and that’s what I’m really uncovering and facing each day as I reconnect with source, my true wishes and desires, and I am having to face myself in the mirror and address the elephant in the room, takes a lot of pain, a lot of growth, but life does teach us. We need to open up to the lessons!
There’s a fine line in between spiritual, intelligent, smart, independent, driven, reliable, hard working, honest, perfectionist… and ARROGANT! Yes, these are all qualities, but they can also be hindering if we continue to display, focus and most importantly PROJECT and EXPECT them from us and others all the time. If we live our lives focusing on these qualities so much that we forget to live and enjoy the moment, they become burdens to us and others. We become slaves to our own moving target and standards, and by default everything else we seek becomes also a moving target. We can never be content and at peace with what we have, and stay still and static in that moment.
And I say this, as I still fight it daily. With social media, the pressures of society become even more apparent and suffocating and it’s the easiest thing to become a dog chasing its tail while trying to juggle everything, specially if your integrity won’t allow you to deliver nothing less than the BEST to all around you… career, peers, partners, children… We need to be smart, funny, witty, fit, healthy, have nice things, travel the world, have beautiful, behaved and smart kids while being loved and having 10 orgasms a day so we can be successful!
Right?! Yes, if your definition of success means draining yourself and giving all your energy to the success IMAGE people will have of you. That’s it, we chase it so much, because there’s so much hurt inside, and instead of healing it, we need to bury with all things exterior, we need to distract, sweep under the rug, so then at least we “ARE” or “FEEL” strong and fulfilled…
Well, these past 1 year in special out everything in perspective for me. I’ve been through a lot the past 10 altogether, but this one was humbling and eye opener. In 2019 alone I:
– lost a job in Feb
– started a new one in Apr
– lost that job in Jun
– dialed in personal development
– connected with source, friends and family
– Celebrated 10yr in the USA
– became a PROUD American Citizen
– launched a side gig that now produces 28% of my monthly income 💥
– participated in a tattoo magazine cover contest and had an outpouring of support and incredible experience despite not winning
– made huge strides in rebuilding my self-confidence
– spent lots of time with my children and made incredible memories with them
– went to Disney World and spent time with my sister and nephews ❤
– became an aunt again
– started a new job
– embraced the contrasts and the blessings from each low and welcomed the lessons 🙌
– made tons of breakthroughs 💪
– I am officially the healthiest I’ve ever been!
I had the rug pulled from under me several times, and we all do in our lifetime, but this time I decided to focus on the LESSON rather than the pain, and what I learned is that I AM in control of all and in control of me. I in some way created some of this situations too. Yes, not my fault companies decided to cut positions and had to let me go, can’t control that… But that’s also GOD and the UNIVERSE showing me that nothing is ever “safe” or “stable” and I NEED to stay humble and focused on my JOURNEY! Everything changes every second. We are only guaranteed today, so let’s focus on what really matters.
And that’s why I created this page, that’s why I am taking care of me first and am unapologetic about it! That’s why I decided to stop being on the way of the things that I truly desire and embrace the downstream*. Life its much easier when you LET GO and enjoy the ride… Here’s to another amazing ride as we move into a new decade!
*check some examples of downstream, I’d focus on the first 3 videos 😉