I started this post on Christmas eve, wondering who remembers being all excited about this day and the day(s) ahead? And yet, I had to stop because one thing came up, that led to another and another and here I am, 4 days later finally getting through it. After all, ’tis the season for “sorry, been so crazy with Christmas and all…” isn’t it? Yep! But if I’m gonna be 100% honest, I kinda remember when I used to get all excited about Christmas eve, but as I grew up it became more of an anxiety trigger. And that’s because the magic kinda goes away once you start noticing all the contrasts and nuances and see the items and commitments in your “To do” list pile up. At least that’s how it has been for me.
Christmas became a mix of feelings and emotions, a lot of running around, shopping, wrapping, cooking, make sure everyone is happy, all wishes are fulfilled and everything is perfect, when we were supposed to be celebrating life and preparing for new cycles. But the demands of society and life become overwhelming… And how do you shift the focus, embrace the chaos and most importantly, stay in the moment?
I don’t know, but I have been committed to trying at least, to do my best one day at the time, and yes, anxiety still consumes me at times, but I try to appreciate the moments each year and really focus on the good feelings, on the excitement of my children as they wake me up early on Christmas morning and jump up and down when they realize that Santa came by and open their gifts in ecstasy! I don’t want them to ever find out that Santa doesn’t exist, I don’t want that magic to ever go away… I bust my butt everyday for moments like those, and I want to always be able to provide that kind of magic. Feels amazing doesn’t it?
However, I can’t help but notice that I’m not alone and how many people are have a hard time getting in the “Christmas Spirit”. I’m sure it is due to all the ups and downs and curve balls they have been throughout the year, and while the year its almost ending and this is the time to celebrate and gather, we still have to work, pay bills, clean, cook, do groceries, buy gifts, wrap them, organize, look perfect and have all details lined up to impress and entertain… Except that all the above equals to a long list of tasks and not enough hours in a day to get through it, even worse while you trying to get ahead and have too much month at the end of the money… add personal and family situations and yes, you have the perfect recipe for disaster.
Makes for another holiday that just goes by and you go on, back to the hustle and another, and start all over again. Easy to feel defeated and start questioning everything by looking through these lenses right?! Well, tell you what, it’s easy for me to get caught in all of that too. This year in particular has been really hard, full of extremes and a hell of a roller coaster, but you know what?! I am totally enjoying the ride. Yes, because despite all the hardships things are actually working out for the best!
I felt extra special and actually free when I finished wrapping all the Christmas gifts I bought, yes, and that’s because I paid for all of it in cash! This is the first time in probably forever that I won’t be paying for Christmas in the first few months of the year. This is entire year I have been able to pay for all my monthly expenses in cash, I may not be making a huge head away towards paying my debts YET, but for the first time in forever, I haven’t been digging myself further and using credit cards to float the month left at the end of my paychecks! And its feels freeing and amazing, yes, I’m dead tired, I’m working two jobs while taking care of the kids, my house and everything in between, yes, some days I want to quit, but mostly I’m being able to celebrate every victory and be thankful for all resources available to me, all the lessons, and all the motivation keeping me focused on my journey!
When I received notice that I was being laid off in Nov. 2018 I panicked. It had been already difficult and as I mentioned, I have been digging myself into credit cards to be able to float my survival needs since my paychecks didn’t cover all, how would it be unemployed? Or what if I didn’t find anything making as much? What if I couldn’t keep my house, my car payments, my basic survival needs… what if I lost my children for not being able to support and provide for them? Of course I knew this wouldn’t happen, of course I knew I’d pull it off, but its impossible not to think of the worst case scenarios… at least not when you’re me, and specially when you’re a mother.
So I did what I know, I kept my chin up and kept going! I prayed for light, focus, strength and protection. I prayed for guidance and support and I felt my guides and angels around me, I felt my grandparents with me all the way through, helping me all the way from Heaven! I embraced every moment with my children, I decided to create as many memories and soak up the time we had together because I knew that once I got into a new job and a new routine it would be gangbusters and I didn’t want to feel like I missed out on anything… (Let’s face it, I would give the world to be able to work 6h a day, while they’re in school and be able to be available for them while creating memories and watch them grow, and although today this is not my reality, that’s my ultimate goal. Yes, I will have my cake and eat it too! Call me entitled, I don’t care, but I’m not, I’m busting my butt and I will EARN it!)
That said, I started a side hustle while applying for jobs daily! I dialed back and created a routine that would be my routine regardless of the job I ended up lending. I was up early, I had my morning coffee in silence and peace (I’m not really a morning person, and appreciate silence in the first hours of the day), I meditated, prayed, did my workout, and listed my main 3 goals for the day. I got the kids up, fed them a nice breakfast, dropped them at the daycare and came back to my desk. I would apply for jobs, respond to emails, do paperwork and follow ups, schedule my interviews and prepare accordingly, while focusing on personal development – books, podcasts, therapy… – then I worked on materials and advertising for my business, I prospected and talked to people, started to make traction and work, would fulfill those commitments and took lots of time to work on a hobby which made me quite a bit of money too. I picked up pieces of furniture for free, refurbished and sold them. Time management, that’s something I always needed to to and focus on and still perfecting.
But that discipline is crucial, prioritizing actions and putting the work are the only ways to success, and I kept doing it, consistently and little by little things started to fall into place, I didn’t feel useless or hopeless, I knew I would reap the fruits, even if took time! Of course there are still wind, and rain, and I’m still working on my fields daily, my crops are still growing, some don’t look as healthy as others, but I’m definitely making progress, and this Christmas season has been nothing but validating, it has been extra joyful as I felt even more proud of my choices and my efforts and now I have even new perspectives and new things to continue to work on and align, and I can’t wait for another year to continue working on it daily!
So I hope everyone, despite all, had a great Christmas and are getting ready for another new year filled with blessings as we enter another decade and definitely a new cycle!