Sometimes I wonder if I should add the numerous drafts with my actual posts here… This one is particular took me 6 days and 3 different titles and ideas… insert *face palm* emoji. Anyway, I want to try and stay relevant and write things that resonate with people and help them while helping me process my feelings and emotions, I think deep down it has always been why I always resorted to writing or art as form of expression.

With that said, not here to talk about me although the whole idea for this post started with me feeling hurt, sad, and to be quite frank, enraged! And I wanted to find a way to let these feelings out, but most importantly not make it about “me” but rather, try with it find a way to HELP and HEAL since I will talk about something that shook me to my core.

And yes, I will talk about what happened to George Floyd. I know, it’s been almost a month since his murder, and yes, the media has been blowing this out of proportions (as with everything), and yes, (as with everything) it became political, so I won’t get into specifics, as I believe this is not political but right vs wrong, but the point of this post is not to judge, but to empty my chest and share a perspective I found.

To be honest, I debated sharing or writing about it because, part of me wants to just ignore everything and just keep sending healing vibes to the world and not let the current events interfere with my energy so I can keep emanating good, since I believe we are 90% energy (soul) and 10% matter (body) and we are here with a purpose, we have a soul contract and come into this earth to learn but also teach and help our universe heal and grow collectively and bond ties to God, or source energy in order to transcend into the life we are meant to live. But the other part of me for those very reasons believe that because I am here to bond my ties with God and source energy, I should use my energy for good, healing and justice.

But I get lost and feel so powerless, the 10% of me, the matter, the body, the brain, wants to dig, find answers, poke holes, looks at all sides and perspectives, join a cause, but that part of me also gets heated, angry, emotional, sad, and enraged because I can’t find anything to justify but also I don’t know how to be relevant and truly help and bring about change. What happened was just wrong. And I don’t to just be or sound line the “kooky”, “new agey”, sage smudging and crystal loving chick who hides behind all of it to pretend all is will be well. Do I believe all will be well? Absolutely! But this is not the first or second time I’ve had to witness something like this along my short 36 years on this earth and why I want to get on the same page here (with myself more than anyone probably) that I can do more than just wish and believe things will improve…

I remember my entire life feeling like this to be honest, by witnessing discrepancies and injustices in society, either while seeing a homeless person on the street, a kid bullied at school, having friends of color who were be discriminated against or had a story about it, or learning about it in history class, religion (I went to catholic schools so we studied the Bible), and even experiencing situations myself where I was either discriminated against (I am a woman and that discrimination is still real) or my privilege (clearly) worked to my advantage and still does, and I still feel uneasy about it.

But this time, like many (as we can see), I also felt like – enough is enough! We can’t just accept this for what it is and continue to re-write the same history and make the same mistakes over and over. Then I felt angry and powerless again, I felt overwhelmed and realized that I don’t know how to help. I realized that I am part of the problem too and have always been, so I decided that just like with my fitness and personal development journey I will tackle this day by day and one bite at the time.

This time I want to believe that this happened to bring to the surface all that we’ve been ignoring for too long, and although a tragedy, this can be the chance for us to become united and whole, and together bring real change by remembering that we were created EQUAL. That we all want the same things in life; we all want love, happiness and live a life we can be proud of while creating a legacy for the generations to come, and that’s independent of our skin color, mother tongue, religious background, favorite sports team, musical taste, political party or whatever else WE as HUMANS CREATED to DIVIDE US! We all have flaws, we all have made and still make mistakes everyday, some bad, some worse, some not as bad, but we ALL DO! And none of us have the right to end someone’s live because we “can”. That’s the bottom line, there’s right and there’s wrong but doing wrong doesn’t justify or rectify another wrong.

So I decided to look at his with the lens of healing. Yes, because this has been a wound in society/humanity for too long, a wound that has never healed completely and now it has been re-opened so we can finally stitch it and close it. But healing is also a process, takes time and there’s pain involved and that’s where we are. So, I promise to stay present and informed, but not to a level to affect my energy that I become negative, judgmental and closed. I will remain open, I will treat and heal myself and I will take daily actions in my life so as a member of society I can model and be part of the world I want for me, my children and all lives here on earth.

I will help people in need with what I can – a smile, holding a door open, returning something that I found, respecting people’s boundaries, views, feelings, not engaging in gossip, elevating others, not judging, giving food, clothes, a toy, listening to someone, offering a shoulder, and exercising my rights and duties. But most importantly loving and taking care of myself daily so my glass is full and I can continue to share with the ones in need and I hope with my own actions I can help and make sure that all this pain become a mark in our history and something that we can look back too as another challenge that we overcame and made us more united and stronger.

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